“Don’t complain. Don’t explain. Don’t apologize.”  Williamm. Dennis McCann

“Ok. You asked for it.”  Julianne M. CeCe

When I was 10, I adamantly supported the ratification of the ERA.

When I was 11, I insisted I would attend the local Jesuit High School because it was the best school available and I was unmoved by the idea it was for boys only. And two years later, after the school turned co-educational and I had been wait-listed, I adamantly refused to consider attending any other high school. When I was 14, I entered those hallowed halls as a Freshman; I exited a graduated Senior four years later.

When I was 18, I went to college and declared myself Pre-Law on the first day; few women in the program at the time….many Education Majors seeking their MRS rather than an independent career.

When I was 20, I began working my way out of college. I have been working in the insurance industry ever since. Insurance……not a hot bed of liberalism…..but there I was.  And when I turned 35, I died my hair purple (a lovely black violet color) and I wore it with pride, sitting at the front desk.

And today, I work in an insurance office run by conservative (Republican!) patriarchs. My current boss wears a suit everyday; he keeps a signed picture on his desk, commemorating his first meeting with Gov. Rauner (IL). When he asked for my opinion on a Fox News report, I gave it to him in full. He was not surprised by my articulate and vehement disagreement but he did comment he had not anticipated my answer would require quite so many paragraphs.

I have been an outsider my entire life; certainly I was loved and protected as children should be but I was not understood, constantly criticized by adults and other children. I was too emotional (sensitive to what was going on around me). I was too obstinate (unwilling to back down). I was too bold (unafraid to speak up). I was too impetuous (unafraid to make decisions). I was insolent (willing to challenge authority). I was too full of myself (unwilling to affect deference I did not feel). I was a know-it-all (unwilling to feign cluelessness). I was uncompromising (refusing second place as a matter of course because I was born a girl). And my personal all time favorite, I am now as I was then, a bitch (assertive). I was at ten years old exactly what I am today – an unapologetic, ambitious, intelligent, curious, independent feminist – and then as now, most people just do not “get” me. Please, absolutely no violins.

“No matter where you go – there you are.” Confucius

The most important lesson of my life – and I may have been born with this knowledge as it has been with me as long as I can remember – I can only be who I am. In the interests of honesty and full-disclosure, there were times in high school when I attempted affectations; I account for this as human frailty coupled with youthful foolishness and I got over it fairly quickly. My later attempts at fitting in were cosmetic, allowing other people to help me choose “appropriate” clothes to wear to work only to end up with a closet full of clothes I would not wear as they felt like costumes, which they were.

Then, now, and always, I gotta be me. I make mistakes as often as the next person but they are my mistakes made by me, not someone I was pretending to be. Happiness requires you know yourself, you accept yourself, you be yourself, and you love yourself. These steps are actually easy to follow,once you realize you need to do them. Start small, how do you like your coffee? Milk, cream, sugar, plain? Or do you always order the same as your companion – no trouble, “Same for me please.” Worse, do you go the other way, an obnoxiously complicated order meant to signal you are discerning when all you really want is attention? Try this next time, smile at the barista and order something simple. You may be surprised at how good it feels.

Or not – you gotta be you.