Learning To Go With The Flow

Learning to go with the flow of life, its energy, and its events, can be a difficult thing. As thinking beings, we want to control our lives and surroundings as much as possible, for safety and comfort. But if we are honest, we must admit life is generally not that easily managed and many things are outside of our control; much of the time, this is a source of anxiety.

Well-meaning people (including me!) say things meant to help us “get a grip”  but generally sound insulting. Common phrases such as:

  •  Lighten up = You are taking this too seriously (Says you! You may think it is unimportant but you cannot see the impact the issue is having on me.)
  • Let it go = You shouldn’t feel that way (No one has the right to dictate someone else’s feelings.)
  • It’s not about you = Don’t be so self-absorbed/selfish (CAUTION: Likely the speaker is trying to manipulate you; I have been told this on topics such my birthday, my wedding, my pregnancy – if those were not about me, I would genuinely like to know what is about me.)
  • Just walk away = Move on to the next thing (Actually, this one very much depends on the speaker; if you have been throwing in resources, good after bad, you may need a reminder to cut your losses. Unfortunately, much of the time this actually means, “Bored now.”)
  • Get over it = Let it go and just walk away (THE BIGGEST OFFENDER: people will say this to you, often casually but sometimes forcefully, but they do not tell you how to get over it. If you are struggling with genuine hurt, angst, etc., this is little more than being told “Calm down” insulting, trivializing, not useful.

!!WARNING: CONTRADICTION APPROACHING!!

The grains of good advice are present in those phrases, and I suggest we learn to take this advice from ourselves. For your own benefit, use self-inventory to gauge your actions, reactions, feelings and motivations. Ask:

“Could I be more rational in this moment?”

“Is this really unforgivable?”

Or any other question (or questions – your call) you feel helpful. I sometimes allow things to loom too large for no reason other than my own fear, anger, dread, ego, etc.; when this occurs, I tell myself in no uncertain terms, “KNOCK IT OFF!”

HELPFUL HINT: YOU CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING, SO IT MAY NOT BE YOUR FAULT

Let go of things you cannot control; we cannot stop the rain or speed up the post office so do not fret, do not waste the energy – you will need that energy to deal with reorganizing the party venue or paying the bills – just because it is not your fault does not mean you will not be responsible for dealing with it. Pace yourself.

REMEMBER:  Life is all about how you handle Plan B

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4 thoughts on “Learning To Go With The Flow

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