“Don’t complain. Don’t explain. Don’t apologize.”  Williamm. Dennis McCann

“Ok. You asked for it.”  Julianne M. CeCe

When I was 10, I adamantly supported the ratification of the ERA.

When I was 11, I insisted I would attend the local Jesuit High School because it was the best school available and I was unmoved by the idea it was for boys only. And two years later, after the school turned co-educational and I had been wait-listed, I adamantly refused to consider attending any other high school. When I was 14, I entered those hallowed halls as a Freshman; I exited a graduated Senior four years later.

When I was 18, I went to college and declared myself Pre-Law on the first day; few women in the program at the time….many Education Majors seeking their MRS rather than an independent career.

When I was 20, I began working my way out of college. I have been working in the insurance industry ever since. Insurance……not a hot bed of liberalism…..but there I was.  And when I turned 35, I died my hair purple (a lovely black violet color) and I wore it with pride, sitting at the front desk.

And today, I work in an insurance office run by conservative (Republican!) patriarchs. My current boss wears a suit everyday; he keeps a signed picture on his desk, commemorating his first meeting with Gov. Rauner (IL). When he asked for my opinion on a Fox News report, I gave it to him in full. He was not surprised by my articulate and vehement disagreement but he did comment he had not anticipated my answer would require quite so many paragraphs.

I have been an outsider my entire life; certainly I was loved and protected as children should be but I was not understood, constantly criticized by adults and other children. I was too emotional (sensitive to what was going on around me). I was too obstinate (unwilling to back down). I was too bold (unafraid to speak up). I was too impetuous (unafraid to make decisions). I was insolent (willing to challenge authority). I was too full of myself (unwilling to affect deference I did not feel). I was a know-it-all (unwilling to feign cluelessness). I was uncompromising (refusing second place as a matter of course because I was born a girl). And my personal all time favorite, I am now as I was then, a bitch (assertive). I was at ten years old exactly what I am today – an unapologetic, ambitious, intelligent, curious, independent feminist – and then as now, most people just do not “get” me. Please, absolutely no violins.

“No matter where you go – there you are.” Confucius

The most important lesson of my life – and I may have been born with this knowledge as it has been with me as long as I can remember – I can only be who I am. In the interests of honesty and full-disclosure, there were times in high school when I attempted affectations; I account for this as human frailty coupled with youthful foolishness and I got over it fairly quickly. My later attempts at fitting in were cosmetic, allowing other people to help me choose “appropriate” clothes to wear to work only to end up with a closet full of clothes I would not wear as they felt like costumes, which they were.

Then, now, and always, I gotta be me. I make mistakes as often as the next person but they are my mistakes made by me, not someone I was pretending to be. Happiness requires you know yourself, you accept yourself, you be yourself, and you love yourself. These steps are actually easy to follow,once you realize you need to do them. Start small, how do you like your coffee? Milk, cream, sugar, plain? Or do you always order the same as your companion – no trouble, “Same for me please.” Worse, do you go the other way, an obnoxiously complicated order meant to signal you are discerning when all you really want is attention? Try this next time, smile at the barista and order something simple. You may be surprised at how good it feels.

Or not – you gotta be you.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

How often have you heard or (and let’s be honest) said any of the following:

• Why hasn’t he called?
• Why doesn’t she like me?
• What did I do wrong?
• Maybe I should be different?

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

You need a reality check. Let’s begin with the obvious: earth round, water wet, fire hot. What do these things have in common with the list above? THEY ARE NOT ABOUT YOU.* As hard as it is to imagine, people are self-motivated and their behavior speaks to who they are. How you are treated speaks about them, not you.

The world is a big place and there is room for everyone; respect yourself and others, and do not waste any of your valuable time and precious energy worrying about the motivations of others….what they think isn’t any of your business, anyway.

“I’m too old to go chasing around, wasting my precious energy.” Traci Chapman 

*DISCLAIMER: Presuming you are a relatively normal, emotionally healthy, mostly civilized human being (i.e. you did not behave in some outrageously inappropriate way immediately after “Hi. My name is ___.”).

There is an old adage regarding perspective:

There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth.

We often think of truth as a casualty of dishonesty. It is certainly true information may be withheld, intentionally distorted, or outright destroyed, to the advantage of one side over another – there will always be people prepared to create an unfair advantage where none otherwise exists. While I acknowledge truth alteration (or lying, as it is more commonly referenced) is a problem, it is not the subject today.

Today, it is all about perspective. The willingness and ability to see, experience, and process events and information objectively is very difficult; most people struggle with it a great deal, and some people cannot do it at all. (NOTE: I am excluding specially trained and /or professional individuals not because they have no perspective issues but because they have more tools for overcoming those issues.) Perspective exists in all sentient creatures as we learn by experience and we save the information to draw upon in other situations; this is not only valuable but a key to our survival.

EXAMPLE #1: A baby touches a hot stove one time, stores the result (OUCH!!! THAT HURTS!!!), and avoids it in the future. There are no fewer than ten pot-holders in my kitchen, how many do you have?

EXAMPLE #2: A woman leaves food on her front porch for stray cats; they store her scent in their memories and over time they know she is a trusted food source. The cats do not run when she is at the door or climbing the porch steps – they may not let her touch them but they know she is not the enemy. 

There is a downside; we are limited by our own perspective. Everything we see or experience is filtered through our own perspective from past experiences. There is an adage for this as well:

“The best predictor of the future is the past.” 

AND I THINK IT IS A COP-OUT.

You heard me – a cop-out. What could be more simple, more comfortable, or more mindless, than relying on old information to process new information? This is a disservice to ourselves as well as the world – we cannot grow or change if we cannot see past the end of our own noses. Now, I know what you are thinking, “I’m just fine as I am, thank you very much!”  and that is probably true for the most part….but how would you know? (See what I did there? I know, sneaky.)

Believe it or not, your brain craves different experiences and new perspectives. If this makes you nervous, start small; have lunch somewhere new or take a different route home at night. Need a new pair of pants? Shop for them in a store you do not frequent. Feeling more adventurous? Take a class in a subject you know little or nothing about – you may find your new passion!

 To illustrate perspective, please review the following tarot cards (FYI! All images courtesy of Google Images. I do not own any of these images in any way. For more images, type The Hanged Man Tarot Card).

One of the key descriptions of The Hanged Man is “Seeing things from a new perspective.” I draw your attention to the cards attached here, each imagined differently according to the artist’s vision and understanding. Because each card is derived from a unique perspective, subtle differences influence each card’s meaning without profoundly changing it. As a result, speaking for myself as a tarot card reader, I would read each card differently when it appeared, allowing the new perspective of the classic archetype to influence my own pathways and perspectives as well as play a part in the reading for the client.

On your way to work tomorrow, consider changing your coffee order or picking up a different newspaper. Every step outside of the box is a step in the right direction. Change your perspective, change your life.

As you may have noticed, the moon was full last night.

Actually, the moon was full at 1:05pm CST, but if you bothered to look up as you headed home yesterday evening, you may have thought, “The moon is full. Well, that explains it” And sadly, it does “explain it” but it is not her fault.

Let’s say that again: IT IS NOT THE FAULT OF THE FULL MOON.

I apologize for yelling but I really want your attention on this.

The Full Moon glows with beauty, charm, grace, wit and wisdom. She embraces the light of the Sun and returns it with her own glorious shimmer. She sways oceans, she enriches minds, she moves hearts, she empowers spirits and she lights our roads and pathways in the darkness. She smiles down as an indulgent mother, never asking us to behave or sit still or mind our manners – she encourages us to sing and dance, embrace whimsy, and laugh out loud (often at ourselves).

What the Full Moon does not do, despite depiction, is make people crazy, or wild, or ruthless, or rude, or vicious, or desperate, or foolish. People are choosing – that’s right, choosing! – those modes of behavior. Suggesting the Full Moon influenced someone to attack another (physical confrontation, sexual assault, mental cruelty, etc) is both ridiculous and a complete cop-out. It is not okay to berate a service rep over the phone under any circumstances, and it certainly is not okay to hide behind the Full Moon while you do it. In fact, the Full Moon does not actually make us do anything at all. We are provided with light and inspiration, and we choose how to handle or express those gifts, and we are responsible for our choices. Personally, I think we are honor bound to enjoy the gifts responsibly and with as much grace as we are able.

The Man in the Moon is a Lady…..and don’t you forget it!

Please remember: if you find yourself dancing naked under the Full Moon, say thank you for the gift and keep dancing.

TA-DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greeting from Selene!

I have arrived in this space to share my random thoughts and ideas.

Thank you Lena Anani of Noteworthy Wisdom – OMG! I am sharing my voice.

Please stay tuned.