For two days, I have been trying to think of a topic for my blog post; you may remember, I have a goal of posting every other day. And for two days, I could not think of anything to say. How is that possible? Me? Nothing to say? Surely, this is a sign of the apocalypse.

GET A GRIP!

Everything is fine. Nothing to say today? No problem. Tomorrow is another day. If you have nothing to say tomorrow, we can think about it tomorrow. And if I say so myself, I was right.

Sometimes, we have nothing to say – nothing of value to add, nothing original to contribute, nothing different to consider, nothing – but it does not seem to stop us from speaking. Speaking personally, I talk too much when I am nervous, often repeating myself or making an unnecessary wisecrack (NOTE: Yes, there absolutely is such a thing as a necessary wisecrack but that is a topic for another time.) because I am uncomfortable in the setting (it is always the setting – topics are no problem). Why do we feel compelled to create noise? Is it a protective shell? Are we isolated by silence? Are we afraid to hear our own thoughts? Are we blocking out the whispers of the Universe? Are we afraid of silence itself? Or are we afraid silence is all there is?

Again speaking for myself, words are my armor as well as my weapon of choice. I can surround myself with chatter when I am uncomfortable, and it will keep everything and everyone at a distance (important to note this is not the ideal way to deal with personal discomfort and I am always working on this within myself). Likewise, I can defend myself – and draw blood – with little effort; when asked, “Why do you insist on bringing a gun to a knife fight?” my answer is always the same, “I will not be bullied. Not by anyone. Not ever. And if anyone wants to try, they should bring their A Game” (again, working on this all the time). But when I am alone, silence is no problem. I welcome the silence and the thoughts that follow, and if I speak aloud, it is only to hear the sound of my thought as I expand it for myself.

Today, I open the question to the floor: please share your thoughts and feelings about the inane chatter (such as reality Shows, Fox News, idle gossip) and the frightening, or profound, silence (such as prayer, meditation, still of the night).

Our lives are fleeting, by which I mean always in the hurry to be somewhere else – work, school, meetings, grocery shopping, whatever – without making contact. I am always saddened by the irony; as a species, we leave a giant, indelible footprint on the earth but relate very little to each other. We talk but we do not communicate. Our eyes are open but we are not looking and we do not see. We eat but we do not savor. We have sex but we do not make love, we do not commune. We live apart from each other on isolated islands of self-interest, and that is unfortunate as we all have so much to learn, give, share.

Believe it or not, I am talking about the Blood Moon on Saturday, April 4th; this is a special moon – first of Spring, a lunar eclipse – and it is a powerful moon. It is a moon for walking barefoot on the beach. It is a moon for dancing naked in the woods. It is a moon for reveling in yourself, and revealing yourself, and welcoming those willing to reveal themselves to you. This is a risk-taking moon, a step-out of the box moon, a joyous moon.

Under this full moon, find yourself; your true inner-self longs to be free, to be known, to be heard. Awaken and live out loud. The time is now.

“The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I’d figured out, I had to learn again.” Don Henley, The Heart of The Matter

!! I dedicate this post to every woman I have ever met: it was not your fault. !!

As I go forward, living, learning and loving, I gain knowledge with every step; I would like to say this is true for everyone but I think we all know it is not. Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be “tricked” by appearances; we allow (invite, really) people to bring doubt and sadness into our lives.

EXAMPLE: Sally is smart, beautiful, and sexy. She has a great passion for life (she is Aries) and enjoys everything – she drinks, dances, reads, prays, has as much sex as she can – she is awesome and she would very much like a man (by this we mean a confident adult, secure in himself) to share her life. She has Rafe instead. Rafe is not a man, he is a 30+ adolescent; he enjoys most of what Sally brings to the table but he fears her confidence and independence. Rafe knows Sally  is well and truly out of his league and he does not handle it well – he picks at her, belittles her, and when she calls him out, says he is “just kidding” and she is “being mean” and needs “a sense of humor.” But we all know what he is really trying to do; he is not able to rise to her level, so he is instead trying to bring her down to his own. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

What do I dislike more than Rafe trying to pull Sally down? Sally sinking; Sally doubting herself, thinking she is too sensitive, and rationalizing all of his tantrums away. How far away is she from giving herself away to this low-bidder? How far away is he from outright bullying or abusing her? Neither are far enough away, in my opinion – neither poisonous plant should be allowed to grow.

It is not Sally’s responsibility to mold herself into someone easier for Rafe to handle; if Rafe wants to compete at this level, he needs to step up – to do the work that makes him a better man – or step off. Those are his only choices as a man, and he should be adult enough to make them himself, without trying to minimize Sally in the process. But Sally is not off the hook as she does have a responsibility; she must stand up for herself on her own two feet, look Rafe right in the eye, and say out loud,

“This is who I am. Your permission and approval are NOT required.”

Let us wish Sally well – she may have forgotten she deserves a good deal more than she is getting.

Feel free to skip ahead when you see where I am headed with this:

Cream rises to the top.

Birds of a feather flock together.

Great minds think alike.

Every bitch knows her own. (My favorite.)

We are here to live out loud, and that becomes hard to remember when so much is going on around us. We are also meant to build our lives among equals – others that are just as smart, strong, and confident as we are (although in different ways, variety in skills being important to an y societal group). Women may be the fairer sex but they are not weaker sex, and allowing anyone (man or woman, boss or spouse, friend or parent, etc) to weaken us is an easy mistake to make. It is also a mistake we can fix – just stand up, and speak up, and walk away when necessary. Be brave, and if you look over your shoulder, you will find others following your example.

((CRITICISM: providing useful commentary meant to assist realistic improvement. NOT a concerted negativity meant to tear down or otherwise demean. Witches welcome; Trolls need not apply.))

I am not afraid of criticism. In fact, I welcome criticism; I know I lack objectivity in some areas, and outside input is helpful – my skin is thick and I do not take criticism personally. I invite review and input as a) knowledge is power, and b) the big idea can be hidden anywhere. The more experienced I become, the more important criticism is to me…..but it never stops me from doing as I please.

“I never worry about my two daughters doing what they want to do because my two daughters have always done exactly what they want to do.”  My Mother

Recently, I received an interesting piece of criticism:

“Stop asking for criticism. You’re asking people to give you reasons to hold you back from being the voice. Worry about improvements later. Just keep writing.” 

And hidden within was a piece of information I could not have anticipated – the idea I would allow myself to be silenced by criticism. Me – vocal feminist in a blue collar family, speaking out against chauvinism since ten years old – silenced by criticism (“Oh, if only.” I hear my grade school teachers commiserating). I laughed out loud at the very idea until the important message came through to me: she fears criticism will stop me (it won’t!) because she knows it has stopped others.

I am bothered by the idea criticism would stop anyone from expressing themselves. Everyone has a voice if they want it – this realization might be seen as dangerous (by people, churches, schools, special interest groups, etc.) – and some of those voices will be critical. And that is the true beauty of freedom; to think, to speak, to express, to discuss, to share. However, freedom requires bravery; to speak out loud is to invite commentary, including criticism, and the ability to accept criticism with dignity has become rare in this graceless age.

I suggest we all toughen up; play fair, keep score, and no attendance awards. Be yourself, speak your mind, and do not fear criticism. You may step on some toes from time to time but no one dies from sore toes. Accept criticism with grace, refuse to take it personally, learn from it when you can, and use it for future growth as you need.

Never let criticism stop you.

Ruth Orkin was more than an American Girl in Italy; she was a genius, a visionary and a trailblazer. At 17, Orkin rode a bicycle from LA to NYC – alone with her camera – and did for photography what Edward Hopper did for painting.

During her mid-20s, Orkin toured Europe with artist and fellow single-girl traveler, Jinx (focus of the best known photo, for more on that see http://www.today.com/id/44182286/ns/today-today_news/t/subject-american-girl-italy-photo-speaks-out/#.VRRDhvnF_rM ). As Ruth and Jinx traveled post-war Italy and France, they decided to chronicle their travels from the perspective of “single girls traveling alone” – a topic well-known to both of them. 

The famous American Girl photo is not included here; everyone has seen it many times (and it is always awesome) but my favorite photo is Treasure Tours – a squinting, 23 yr old Jinx trying to read signs, match them with her guide-book, traveling alone on a moving bus that may or may not be headed where she thinks she is going. Our most authentic selves are revealed in just such small moments, and Orkin captured it perfectly.

Although not originally from NYC, Orkin loved it without delusion or apology. She saw beauty in streets and buildings and people – always the people – and she was compelled to record it unflinchingly for the rest of us. I am particularly fond of the boys jumping off the building and into the water…what could be more dangerous or more thrilling? Orkin sees them for the daredevil vandals they are but she cannot help but celebrate their spirit.

I think we learn valuable lessons from Ruth Orkin and her career as a photographer:

• Be your own person.
• Follow your own path.
• Do not stop at the surface – there is always more to see.

If young Ruth had allowed convention to stop her from leaving home in the first place, we would never have seen any of her amazing photos. If I had not decided to look more deeply into her work, I might never have known how amazing and inspirational one woman with a camera could be – her work is compelling, and it fuels my thoughts.

I am, as always, awed by the greatness of spirit within us. Thank you, Ruth Orkin, for sharing your.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY ORKIN IMAGES. All images found on Google Images, typed in Orkin Photos.

We all have ideas – big ideas, small ideas, silly ideas, serious ideas – ideas, ideas, ideas! Our brains are moving quickly, jumping from one thought to another, fitting in fancy between grocery lists and laundry sorting, ideas unbidden and unexplored passing through at light speed….most of the time. We have other ideas as well….lingering ideas. Ideas playing along the edges, teasing at your brain, elusive but never far away…..what about those ideas?

Chance are pretty good you have some ideas not quite nagging at you but refusing to be outright ignored. Maybe you should be working on education for career advancement; you know it is important and yet you can never quite decide how, or when, or where. Maybe you are thinking about ways to improve your health but after 40-plus years of not thinking about it at all, it seems too daunting a task – or worse, your many previous false starts have left you too disheartened to seriously think about it again (“What’s the point? Heavy sigh…..). Perhaps you know in your heart you should be writing but you simply cannot imagine anyone bothering to read it.

NEWSFLASH!!!! WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY SOMETIMES!!!!!!

And it is okay to experience some self-doubt; anyone claiming to be 100% confident 100% of the time is either a) lying, or b) deluded, and either way, not your best role model.

First, examine your idea: What is it you want to do? Can you see yourself doing it?

Second, decide the course of action: How will you do it? Can you accomplish it with little disruption (i.e. can you do it at home, or near your office, or anywhere not out of reach)?

Third, organize your time: When will you do it? Does your current schedule have a convenient slot, or must you move things around to make space?

Fourth, and this is the big one: Do it. Just do it. Do not worry about long-term goals, or big picture success, just do something right now – stop thinking or looking around or worrying – just do it. Do not worry about it being “right” or “good enough” or “useful.” You might not like it at first – do not worry about that, either – everything takes time.

Just do it because that is how you eat an elephant – one bite at a time. 

I would like to apologize for the delay between posts this week; although it was my goal to post every other day, I found myself floundering this week although for a solid reason. I have spent much of this week zeroing in on my thoughts, intentions and words for the Spring Equinox New Moon; this was a triple whammy including a solar eclipse, movement from Pisces to Aries, and a super moon – it was awesome, and the energy will be felt for quite a while. And so will the results.

 “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.” Oscar Wilde

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY, ALL NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT ALL PARTICIPANTS:

Once upon a time, a long time ago in the late 1990s, the lovely Elizabeth participated in a craft faire held at a local Methodist Church. Elizabeth had never sold her wares (hand blended soap, oils, candles) at a craft faire before and was quite unsure, and more than a little nervous, about the event. But the organizers were very nice and although the assigned table seemed remote (an alcove in the basement), the event was heavily attended and it seemed the flow of traffic would easily find its way to the space.

Elizabeth shared the alcove with two older women, Eve and Jane. Long-time craft-sellers, very experienced in participating in craft faires, and veterans of the event itself, Eve and Jane sold sugar crafts – Easter eggs, Christmas trees, Halloween pumpkins, all with scenes inside – very lovely possible heirloom pieces. Elizabeth heard the constant refrains, “Sugaring is a very old craft” and “Keep them in a cool dry place and they will last indefinitely” and “They can be handed down; I have a egg from my grandmother.” Instinctively, Elizabeth did not like these ladies; she could tell by their sales patter and demeanor they were not nice or friendly, and then they proved it. Elizabeth’s sharp ear heard them discussing her table and her wares in catty and derogatory terms. Okay, thought Elizabeth, everyone doesn’t mesh with everyone else, and that is fine. They are not hurting me, what they think is not important, and anyway, it’s not my business. And then they made it her business.

Not quite through the first half of the event, Jane took a standing position between Elizabeth’s table and her own – a position that did not disrupt the flow of traffic past her own table but did in fact divert traffic away from Elizabeth’s table – all the while talking down Elizabeth’s table and wares to various people she knew from the event. Jane’s behavior was rude, mean-spirited, inappropriate, and Elizabeth had had quite enough. What to do? thought Elizabeth. Should I say something? No, I will not give them that satisfaction. But how am I going to get through this event with any success if she plans to spend the afternoon sabotaging me? If only I were not next to them. I wish they would stop. They could go, just leave. Maybe they will leave early, she thought to herself brightly, before frowning at her next thought. But why would they leave early? They would never leave a craft faire early. Oh, well. Elizabeth resigned to herself.

At the half-way point, it was lunchtime. Eve and Jane were tucked behind their table having something to eat while Elizabeth waited for her lunch to arrive. Lunchtime brought a lull to the traffic and it was pretty quiet, few shoppers wandering around and most sellers eating lunch or otherwise keeping to themselves. Elizabeth’s lunch arrived, delivered by her helpful partner Ted, and they were tucked behind their own table enjoying their lunch while Elizabeth filled Ted in on the events of the morning, including wishing they would leave and alas, knowing they would not. Ted sweetly offered to go Godzilla and trash their table of wares but Elizabeth declined the offer, suggesting Karma could keep it to herself.

Lunch was just about over when the alcove saw a sudden flurry of activity; it was not a loud commotion, but organizers with walkie-talkies were suddenly on the spot – something was amiss at the sugaring table. Elizabeth was asked to move her table further out of the alcove so a curtain could be drawn. Paramedics arrived with a gurney, and took Jane away, Eve following right behind. The sugaring table abandoned, the organizers closing off and securing their space and wares, Elizabeth’s table relocated to a more visible spot in the traffic pattern. Ted looked at Elizabeth with a mix of laughter, respect, and fear, saying, “You should be careful where you point that thing.”

I love Elizabeth’s story because it captures two very important lessons: “Instant Karma is going to get you.” (Thank you, John Lennon – more people should heed your advice.) And “Be careful what you wish for as surely you will have it.” (Thank you for the warning, Oscar Wilde). Jane experienced the first lesson firsthand (one hopes she learned from it), and Elizabeth experienced the second (although she disavowed any responsibility for Karma’s timely arrival, she accepted the value of intentions).

Words and intentions have power, and they are not free. Choose wisely at the outset; think twice and speak once. We plant seeds this Spring, and we hope for the growth we desire. Good luck to us all – may get what we want, may it be what we hope, and may we all be able to afford the cost.

This week, I was challenged by NOTEWORTHY WISDOM (please look it up – Lena is awesome!) to Make Words Not War. This challenge is meant to illustrate the power of love and words by using love rather than hate to discuss the hot topics of the day. I have been thinking about this challenge for a week, and I am stymied – at best, I am neutral in my development of the following list:

•  FOX NEWS is not a credible news source.
•  Birth control should NOT be more regulated than firearms.
•  Ignoring climate change (read weather death) because it is inconvenient seems remarkably similar to Nero’s fiddling while Rome burned.
•  I have had enough pointless Republican Obama-bashing; they refuse to present reasonably viable alternatives. (A letter to Iran? Really?)
•  When will we start working together to solve the issues that affect us all?

With my best efforts, I could not find love to express these thoughts; in fact, the angrier I became. The Government (and we voted for them!) is a tremendous disappointment, acting like squabbling children on the world stage while ignoring key issues at home such as education, infrastructure, veterans affairs, racism, gun violence, domestic abuse, etc., etc., etc. Honestly, I began to imagine actual violence – Marco Rubio needs several slaps, and once warmed up, please point me in the direction of 46 other traitors – how many people are needed to form a posse?

And just as I worked up a solid rage, the point of the assignment hit me: if I could become rage-filled and unable to express myself in a positive way despite my best efforts, how easy must it be to fall into a hate-rage trap when not bothering with positive intention as the focus? Incredibly easy, as the world news reveals daily; and if you watch Fox News (which I do not recommend – fact-checking indicates its accuracy level holding at 18%) you will likely find hate speech actively pursued and purposefully achieved – truly, not for the faint of heart. We are forced to ask ourselves, how can we combat this? What can we do?

“Love is the answer. And you know that for sure.”  John Lennon

We can love. We can express ourselves in positive terms, despite our own lesser angels. Let’s give it a try:

Fox News: First instinct, “They suck!” But with a more positive attitude, “I prefer MSNBC. I particularly like Rachel Maddow as she strives for both fair and accurate reporting.”

Congress: First instinct, “They suck!” But with a more positive attitude, “Clearly they are all passionate in their views but they really should work harder towards bipartisan compromise.”

I admit these are not warm and fuzzy examples, and I certainly wish I had the Flower-Power strength to push the positive further, but we must start somewhere. This is my first step towards positive – what will yours be?

((Please feel free to post positive comments re any issue you are considering; maybe together we can help each other boost positive energy for everyone.))

“It’s a wonderful expression. I just don’t know how true it is. You don’t see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. “Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well….Whereupon Woton, upon discovering his deception, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act again by living even better than the Duke.”  Niles Crane, Frasier

I will start by stating emphatically, “I understand the inclination toward revenge.”

Let us be honest: we have all been hurt at some time or another and our initial instinct was to strike back, to get back some of our own..to get even. The impulse to revenge is so common, there is no shortage of phrases (advice, platitudes, suggestions) on the subject. I have never known a woman whose bad-break-up-revenge-fantasy did not include his eating his heart out when next they met. In our hearts, we want those offenders to suffer as much as possible. But there is a problem, simple and true, ever-present in any revenge strategy; there is no such thing as even. Revenge is destructive, starting with the self, because Revenge has a seriously bad-ass sister named Karma, and she does not like to share.

Karma has the heart of an accountant (in a jar on her desk – he worked for Enron), the soul of an IRS Auditor (just kidding! even if they had souls, the IRS wishes it had agents so thorough and accurate), and a ridiculous sense of humor. You cannot escape her eye, and you will not escape the balancing of the scales. She will always have the last word, the last laugh, and anything else belonging to her. She is as old as time and just as patient – if she does not catch up to you in this life, she will be waiting for you in the next – she has all the time there is. And she makes your revenge a fool’s errand. But wait! You say you don”t believe in Karma? Well, that is unfortunate because she believes in you, and she is not fooled by what you say – the only truth is action, and she is watching yours.

Living well is in fact the best revenge for several reasons:

• Living well is awesome and a reward in and of itself – no one ever complains about living too well.
• Your success and happiness will annoy your detractors a great deal without any actual effort on your part.
• Living well (and in this I include success, comfort, happiness, and mindfulness) does no harm. Karma loves it when we do no harm.
• Living well affords opportunities to give back. Karma really loves it when you do positive things for the world around you.
• Living well can be contagious; positive energy, happiness, mindfulness, and love can and will spread to those around you in hundreds of small ways everyday.

The next time someone steals your parking spot, steps on your idea, or breaks your heart, forgive them on the spot and be grateful for all that is positive in your life. And rest assured that while you may never see or know what happened next, Karma was watching you both.